Birds of a Feather Flock Together

Over the past few weeks, I have traveled to different places for some duties. There I met those I never met before or those I haven't seen for a good while. Some of them, I've been eager to meet them. Some, I've been avoiding all my best in the past.
But for some odd reason, I wasn't comfortable to be around them, I feel slightly annoyed and out-of-place to their presence.
Not that any of them wanna hurt me, but the vibe is different

When I am around my dear one, I feel much calmer; or at least, when I am in bad mood, a dear one somehow will lead me to become calmer.
Probably because I've been reflecting on dear one for quite a while, I actually felt kinda shocked when I meet all those people, I feel very restless.
Some have the tendencies to complain, everything seems so wrong
Some have the tendencies to cruel tease
some have the tendencies to utter difficult questions just to humiliate you
Some have the tendencies to get angry to anything
etc

I realized, since I have the "seed' of the same bad habits too, if I stay longer, I would water the seeds and absorb their bad habit. And I don't what that to happen.
I need to be around people with more positive and calm energy. I wanna be a better person, flocking with the wise ones.

Javanese Girl for A Day

Last weekend was my ex-colleague's wedding. Me and 3 other ex-colleagues decided to attend the wedding in Jogjakarta, it was a good excuse for a catch-up-date after years being 'graduated' from Garud*food. So, the bride sent us a piece of fabric and asked us to make a 'kebaya'. Kebaya Kutubaru.
Kebaya is a traditional clothing for Javanese ladies, and made into 'national' dress by our previous first-ladies (all of them are Javanese, I think)

I love the idea of wearing a kebaya, I want it to be very traditional, very simple and looks like what commoners would wear in daily life. Nowadays, the commonly seen kebaya are made with lacey fabric, have a contemporary design, decorated with studs and stones... a very 'heavy' kebaya.

To add more authenticity touch, I wanted to have a classic 'konde', the big round hair-bun. Also popularized by our first-ladies. The problem is, my hair is short. Here is my pic 3 weeks ago.

A magical touch, smudges, pulls and tears finally made me look like a Javanese. Here is the before picture. I can't talk much about the heavy make-up, it is just the way they do it, but I opted for a less dramatic eye-lashes, which make me look softer compare to other 'pagar ayu' - bridesmaid.

For the hair, OMG. I don't know how much holes I made to the ozone layer that morning. Since my hair was very short, it is extremely difficult for the hairdresser tease my hair. Hair-teasing is to add volume to my hair. Look at the frizzy crazy lady with triple pig tail at the back. That's me! The triple pig-tail was to anchor the bun (I don't have enough hair for a pony tail). The bun was made from synthetic hair, so we just need to clip it on. The problem is, since I don't have much hair, I need lots of pins to secure the bun.









Despite all the crazy look above, I am pretty happy with the end result. I love the Javanese look. I really appreciate what the hairdresser's masterpiece. She spent twice longer time on me, compare to the normal long hair girls.





 





Here is my picture with the kebaya kutubaru. The 'jarik' aka. skirt was made from 1 piece of fabric wrapped around me, no stitch at all. Secured with a 'stagen', a small piece of fabric wrapped tightly around waist to give a slender illusion. It was so tight and firm that it was very hard to walk! Now I understand why Javanese girls always look elegant. Basically because they can only walk in small steps!







Here are more picture from that day. It was definitely a very fun experience to be a Javanese girl. I think I am hooked :)

Let It Go

Stuck in a traffic jam, I am starting to think about life.
What are we looking for? We've been running around for something called happiness
Here I am, sitting here, getting the answer of life's most wondered question

The ultimate answer is:  LET IT GO

You can only be happy when you let go. Happiness will come once:
- You let go of your expectation
- You let go your angers, anxiety, and worries
- You let go your ego
etc etc etc
 All seems so abstract, so cliche... Isn't it?

But what I know most is, I would be truly happy when...
I am able to let go my fart, that I've been holding (in public)
I am able to let go my toilet urges when I am stuck in bloody traffic jam
Once you experienced this, you will realize that happiness and bliss is really about letting go  

When is Your Turn?

It is finally happening, a family gathering celebrating love of my cousin. It is where I can see faces of those related to me by blood, yet I hardly recognize their faces. It is also the time where I get to be questioned, “When is your turn?”

I am the eldest of the L’s 2^nd gen that is unmarried. I am not planning to. I am very very lucky that my parents do not do an act to frame me. Love my folks!!!  As I always said, they know me well, and they probably have given up the hope of seeing me in white dress. 

The cousin next in line, wasn’t so lucky, she had her mom (my aunt) to questioned her in public, “When is your turn?”, “When can mommy have this kind of event?” etc etc etc. It is so humiliating!

I met my elder cousin who (maybe) happily-married, who questioned about my ‘singleness’. I said, “I’ve had enough, I’ve seen enough, Marriage is not my cup of tea”

And she replied me, “You have to face the fact, that this is the path that we all must take. Do not go against the current.” I am truly surprised to get that answer from someone I used to look up to. I just can’t understand why she take the ‘common’ path. She could do much bigger things. 

Anyway, the wedding was a true parade of PDA – public display of affection: series of lovey-dovey act of 2 human beings who are keen to announce to the world that they are in love. A friend asked me if I wanted to be in bride’s shoes – to be the princess of the day. The answer is, “No… I cannot picture myself parading around. Not me.” 

Maybe my dear one is correct, The Path is against-the-current. I don’t know where I am now. I am standing here, not flowing with the current, yet not strong enough to fight it. I am stuck, for the moment.

Monsters Away

I somehow always keep the bad memories close to me. I marked those who have hurt me, I build fences around me. I do not plan on revenge, and will never will. I just hide, putting more and more brick in front of me, building a wall to protect me. To protect me from those who has stepped on me, spit on me, smearing my face, my dignity, and my sanity.

But meeting them is unavoidable, every now and then, as a human being, I need to and forced to face those monsters. Fear, that’s what I feel. The moment I know that I have to see those monsters, I trained, I prepared myself, I put on defense-mode. No, I don’t attack them, I just put on my shield.

On the fated day, they gathered around. I see those monsters; they come nearer to me, licking their lips, sniffing the blood stain on me. I have prepared, I stood up, put my head against the wind, see them in the eyes. I am here, I am much stronger now, I will succumb to your torture and humiliation no more. They tried to scratch, a lame one, maybe they realized I am no longer a weak victim. Though some still tried to stab me with swords, it becoming a cold fish lying dead, those bullies cheerleaders were too afraid to add more insult to the lame blabber. I realized, those regular monsters, they finally sense who I am. 

There is this one monster, the one I fear most. I used to freak out and cried every time I hear the hiss and rattles of the evil monster. It greeted me, walked towards me, squeaked "Hello". It was testing the water… I need to be composed in public, I nodded coldly. The whole day, I can see the monster kept its eyes on me, that bloody sneaky hungry eyes. It tried few times to drawn me again with no success, until the end of the night. I was sitting alone, and the monster crept close to me, hissed, and flicked its split tongue “Hello, how are you? Are you fine lately…?” I smirked “Good” and look away, I gave no chance for it to voice out more blinding bull-craps. In no time, the monster vanished. 

Maybe it finally realized, I will no longer feed it… I no longer acknowledge those monsters.