Cry of Losses

There was once I need to be in a hospital’s ICU to send a friend there. I heard a bunch of people crying in the next room, there was a young man’s voice, crying in misery “Why you have to go, Dad? How am I going to survive without you. I haven’t even finish my school. Who gonna support and teach me now? I dunno if I could survive without you.”

This month, I witnessed my friends' losses of loved ones. Same case, those left were crying.
A dad that was gone in his sleep, without pain, without struggle – a real Rest In Peace
Another dad was gone after fighting years of illness and treatments, finally Rest In Peace
Both were gone in natural causes, I considered it to be a peaceful ones.

Back to our reaction, CRY
Why do we cry?
I know many people will say, I will miss you, I don’t want you to go… etc

But I think, the real answer is “What gonna happened to me now after you go?”
We are crying for ourselves. We are crying for our hopelessness to preserve our perfect picture. Crying for the uncertainty we are facing after loved one are gone.
The young man's cry in the ICU room was a very honest one. He didn't even polished it up with "I love you, Dad". He cried for himself, for tragedy that he was facing.

I cried when my loved one left me, altho I know he’ll be in better hands; be content and well taken care of on the other side. I cried because it's too late for me. I couldn't see myself ever be a part of his (supposedly) happy life. How selfish that is? I wish he would be on my side. The truth is, my cry was because I really upset about myself, for my cowardness. There were a lot of regrets, Why I never told him my feeling? Why didn’t I try harder? Why didn’t I stay just a little longer? Why I wasn’t there to protect him, wishing I could stop it all.

Took me sometime to let it go.
But I know you’ll be happy there, it's just I wasn't gonna be a part of it.

Incredible India

not much use this time, but one day it will

I haven't blogged for quite sometime now. Many things happened.
This is one of them: I FINALLY VISITED INDIA end of last month
Not for pilgrimage, it's for work so we spent days for factories visits. But we managed to squeeze some fun time in it.
I dunno if the company has treated us very well, or India is really nice; I mean people said India is a very dirty and smelly country, I didn't see much evidences there. The country is so beautiful... and people are nice too.
I have to admit that they've put us into 5-star hotel, but there was 1 night where we stayed at not-so-starry hotel, and it was fine. Maybe I have a lousy standard, anyway.

Taj Mahal, Agra

barefooted in Jaipur. The top right pic: tat's before I was getting soaked

It was a crazy bloody hot day when we visited Jantar Mantar - an outdoor astrological museum of Jaipur, and all of the sudden it started to rain. None were prepared for the heavy pour, and just in minutes the street were flooded. Rather than sacrificing my sandals (which will be hell to dry), and the gushing water seems so clean!!!, I took my chance: walking barefoot on the street of Jaipur! How legendary was that.
Anyway, we actually revisited the site in the afternoon when the sun was back. And I finally realised the street wasn't that clean afterall (there were the holy cows, goats, and dogs' leftovers).
Oh, well... it's done, and I survived.

India, I'll be back!