Push Up

I haven't work out for more than a month, so last week I went back to the gym, met up with my PT and he decided to get a new regime for me.
Day 1, he made me do some weight training with dumbbells, chair dip, and the last one PUSH UP
I never did any push up before, as I believe I am not strong enough to do it. He encouraged me to do it. Well, apparently I was able to get 5 x 16 push up, which equal to 80.
I was super tired after the work-out; still managed to drive back home, but once I reached home I was wasted, I lied down and only managed to get up after 30 mins.
The next day, not so much pain yet, so I went to the gym again, didn't use much of arms, we did leg work out. Managed to finished all programs, tired but was still bearable compared to the arm day.
The days after were hell, arms super painful, and I started to have tingling sensation my my arms, sometimes I feel like I lost sense on them. I couldn't lift tea cups, I couldn't brush my teeth without having pain. Even hooking bra was a challenge. I couldn't sleep at night, and I end up taking painkillers. Thanks God for the painkillers.

Days after that, not much pain,  I still have sprain when I stretch (even until today). But 3 days ago (which is 1 week after the push up), I am not sure why my right arm began to swell. I bumped my right arm in the morning, yes, but it was a mild one, since I was wearing long sleeve, I didn't notice until I get changed at night. No pain, but my arms looks like a blown-up sausage. It is so fat that the skin gets tight and shiny. It feels firm and hard. And my right elbow loses its wrinkles, the swelling ruled out all the wrinkles. So scary.
I measured the circumference difference on left and right arms. The biggest difference was freaking 4 cm! Still swelling now, not sure when I will lose it. Hiks.

Notice that my right arm is much larger than my left one

Yes Wow?!

Yesterday, I did something new for our companies. I invited a motivator to boost my teams' spirits.

The whole idea came up when I attend a dealer meeting from one of  my supplier, they have a in-house HRD people that acted as a motivator, it was a short session. My manager was impressed, I wasn't. Kinda dull for me. Hehhehee... But the main point is, my manager was effected from the short session. Then, a few weeks after that, I saw an advertisement for a Singaporean/Indonesian motivator session in Padang, it was open for public. At that time, I wanted to send some of my key personnel for the session, but I worry that the topic will be not be accustomed to my company needs. So the idea was cancelled there.
But I was still looking for a motivator that can cater my needs. Lucky me, friends and dear one introduced me to someone that might fit my needs. The choice fall into Mr.KW.

Yesterday we had a full session of training, I wasn't part of the audience because I want my team to be more open. I believe they have less burden if the boss is not around. Hahaha.
The training was successful, many feel benefited from it, not just for the company, but also for their personal lives; which is marvelous. I hope this will be a good start for a better company's future.

Here are some pics of the training :)

Hike Debut: Mt. Andong 1726 masl

Last April, on my flight to Zurich, I watched a movie titled 'Everest', making me wonder if one day I could touch Everest.
I always wanted to hike, I just couldn't find someone with the same 'yoyo' passion as mine. When I am into something, I would go for it until I get bored and move to another passion.
So, hiking is one of the thing that I never tried before.

On my last trip to Switzerland, we have a schedule to visit Glacier 3000. I've been to Mt. Titlis for a few times, it was snowy but bearable. So, me and my friends were taking it easy on Glacier 3000 visit. Little that we know, they had a snowstorm that day. And since I never experienced a snow storm before, I have no clue what it was. Snow was just snow for me. Hehehehe... all I know is that when I was sitting on the ski chair, the wind blew the tiny snow on my face and it hurts!!!! It feels like thousands of tiny sharp pebbles hitting your face. The whole outdoor experience was only about 30 mins. It makes me wonder about those in the Everest. How can they last for hours??!!!
But then, I have to admit that I didn't dress properly for the trip. I only wore jeans and double jacket, not even waterproof >.< no gloves, no beanie, nothing!

Snow Storm!?? What Snowstorm???!!!  -- me is one on the right

Things were much better when we visited Matterhorn. We all learned the lesson. With a proper gear, ski pants, waterproof jacket, hoodie, still no gloves (I don't like it), the snowy experience was a rewarding one :)

If I ever wanted to climb Mt. Everest, at least I have to start small, rite? I always wanted to see Ijen Crater. But a friend suggested me to start small, really small, like Mt. Andong in Mid-Java.
So there I went, on 8th May, I flew all the way to Mid Java just to have my first experience of hiking.
I arrived in the afternoon, get a chance to freshen up a bit before dinner, and start to drive all the way to BaseCamp Kudusan for a quick good nite rest.
I slept in the car for a few hours (lucky that I can sleep anywhere!) before I was get a 'morning call' at 2 or 3 am. Didn't check the time.
We started the hike when the sky is still in pitch dark, walking only using a headlamp. Maybe a good thing, I don't even know what the mountain looks like, thus I have no clue how much I need to walk - less fear and discouragement.
The ascending was OK, I made a stop every 10 mins or so to catch my breath. Until Pos #1, it seems to be a bit tough. After that, things were quite mild. Took me 2.5 hours to reach the peak from BaseCamp Kudusan.
I managed to reach the peak before the sunrise, which is a big reward (I didn't plan to do so). And there were so many people camped up there already. It was beautiful.
I only spend around 30 mins on the peak, before heading back down.

My 1st ascent - Mt Andong

 Now, for all the experience I had in Mt.Andong, I have one conclusion, ascent was much better than descent.
I fell a few times during descent, it was very steep, muddy and slippery. And probably the most important part is "I can see". I can see how steep it is, I can see how far I have to walk, etc. That makes me weak. Hehhehe

Altho it is only 1726masl, the track was 'raw' - or maybe I should say "natural" track - going through paths that seems forgotten for sometimes. Guess what, there is one thing that I found out quite "late", is that there are many other ways to reach Mt. Andong; apparently the Kudusan track was one of the hardest physically. This explains why I was drenching in sweat while other still look quite neat.  Other tracks are either super mild, or (believe it or not) haunted.

But it was a very good experience. I am so looking forward to conquer another peak!

the other peak of Mt. Andong's Camel-Back-Peak

The dawn of Mt. Andong

The Lone One

What happened in the last few months really make me feel alone in this world, I won't say I get lonely, but I do feel that I am alone here. I feel more and more alienated from the my surrounding.
When I meet the people of my pasts, my old friends, (I think) none of them changed - they are exactly as they used to be. They gave away the same old vibes.
People said that you are what your friends are, I just couldn't fit in anymore, I am no longer one of my pasts, I feel distanced. I have changed.

Alone, I am. But then, those that surround us define us, they either make us great or make us doomed. I wouldn't say my pasts' one will doom me, but I just see that I can be a better version of me when I am alone; and far better version when around my dear one.
Thank you my dear one to always remind me of the ultimate purpose. May I be able to fulfill it.

- 25 May 2016 -

Love Giveaway at Raja Ampat

This is a super late report about my Raja Ampat trip, dated on 12 March 2016. It was a tight-scheduled business meeting, but we also have pre-arranged sightseeing tour around the islands. It was beautiful. I didn't have a chance to have a dive there, but I managed to do something better. I brought some love to the local kids.
I carried 2 big boxes of Fladeo Kids shoes - courtesy of Fladeo Shoes & Dhammanusari Buddhist Studies; while me myself brought writing tools for the kids. It was truly a rewarding experience to share love to them. Here are some photos, lucky I have someone to snap the beautiful moment.

Lotsa love for Arborek Kids

Super Big Family :p

Here are the giveaways: Staedtler Writing Tools & Super cute Fladeo Kids Shoes

My Dive Debut: Bunaken

Feb 14, 2016. Valentine's Day

After the regretful Lombok trip, I decided to brave myself to dive in Manado.

I came 2 days ahead of the meeting day at Manado.
I stayed at Thalass* Dive Resort, which was recommended by a diver friend - who happened to be there a week before me.
Since this was my debut diving without my instructor... I insists to go for a bonafide dive resort despite the cost (actually, I get a reasonable price)

So, I was alone. But the resort was very professional that they can actually take care of me. I told them that despite my log was quite high (had 50+), I was never out of Padang's water before.

Was a little nervous, yet excited. There were other divers too, but they were taken care by a guide. But, the resort gave me another personal dive guide. One on one service. I feel so special. Hahhahaa.

I did well, I gave a pat on my own shoulder. Hahhaa....

So here are the spots that I visited during my dive escape to the famous Bunaken:
1. Likuan 2
2. Buro
3. Abang
4. Fukui
5. Tonga
6. Likuan 3

Grilled Chicken with Bumps

Early Feb, it was my first time visiting Lombok. Stayed at Gili Trawangan for 1 night.
Since I don't have anyone to dive with me, plus I haven't have the confidence to dive alone (thought it is not possible... ehhehe), I chose snorkeling with my mates.
I haven't snorkled for quite sometime, so I forgot how snorkeling works....
I mean, I look at the tourist jumping into the water, so I did too.
What I am forgetting was, SUNBLOCK. I put some, on face and arms, for I forgot about my back. Not really forget.... but I didn't realise it will be burned in short period. I asked a friend to sprayed some... SOME!!!  I shouldn't have relied on someone else about my wellbeing. And for such large area (like my back), I think it need to be smudged evenly, rather than relying on the spray to cover my whole back. Look at my back, with blotches and streaks, looks like I got tinea fungus on my skin :(

So, after the end of the day, I feel so burned and hurt, my back was like a boiled lobster. And after a few days, I look like a grilled chicken.
Lesson learned!
- Never rely on someone else to apply sunblock for you
- Snorkeling is not diving, you will easily burned
- Wear a rashguard
- Get a gut to dive alone (I mean hire a dive guide)

And to add up more misery, the hotel where I was staying at Gili Trawangan, despite the 5-star rate, they have bloody bed bugs. I didn't realise it at first, thought it is just mosquitos bites. Though, I wonder why they bite in lines and inside my pajamas. I wore a long-sleeve pajamas.
After I left, then I realised, it was bed-bugs. Bloody h*ll. Making me look so beaten up for the rest of the trip >.<

I will be back, to dive Lombok and Bali!

Clapping Upon a Loss

The death of my relative does bring the family together
The 'gone-to-soon death' sure leave people talking

Some people I know, somehow always amazed me in finding a 'new' angle looking at a disaster
Upon the death, people started talking about the widow...
I started to realised how much people hate her, envy her
They said, the death, the disaster was bound to happen because the widow has been way too lucky
She is born into a wealthy family
She marries someone that can provide her every needs
She marries young
She having kids without shedding a sweat in raising them (meaning she always have assistance)
She doesn't need to do any chores, no cooking, not even washing her own plates
She doesn't even need to send the kids to school, and now the kids are in college
She doesn't need to work, her husband will provide everything
all she does is do yoga, do her hair and nails & look pretty

And, the auntie that said all-of-the-above finally have a winning smile.
See, God is not sleeping, God finally make a balance on her life.
No one should be "too lucky". I realised the auntie has been secretly cursing them...

I've never been close to the deceased one, so I don't feel much pain in losing him
I don't know the wife well, I don't see her as rival, so in this case I don't envy her nor clapping upon her loss.
But it kinda put a lemon to a wound, I know the auntie and the deceased one were close, very close
It is just disgusting to finally see the true face of some people

Then... set me free, would you?

I guess I don't really hate her

I also don't wanna hurt her

I realized it is not her fault

It is my fault for putting too much effort to be your number one

My fault for loving you too much

I hate that you changed when she is around, or even... when she is in your mind

You become a different person

You always find me second to her

Everything she do, even if she wanna kill herself... you still think she is more holy and angelic than me

When she is down, you will pull me down, stepping on me... just to make her looks "above". You don't wanna her to feel that she is losing from me. You always ensure that she will always be the best, the valuable one, the precious one. A fragile soul that need the world's love and protection.

I am jealous, every time you mention her name, you always have the sparks in your eyes. Always...

I am jealous how much you worry about her, how your mind is always full of her. 

I hate to find you secretly calling her...  giggling and whispering

I hate it when you never say anything positive about me. I hate it when you firmly say "NO" when people praising me, you kept saying... can't be that good, others are doing better job

Even when the whole world say I am good, you would say the other way around
Why can't you be proud of me? Why can't you appreciate me?

And the foolish thing is, your word is so important for me. I am begging for your recognition... which you never gave

She is always a better one, isn't she?

You wish she is yours, don't you? 

Then... set me free, would you?

Let me learn to become a better person you expected

Dhammavihari Pabbajja 2015

This Pabajja was slightly different from the previous one. Ashin Kheminda teaches anapanasati from the very basic, starting from scanning 4 elements in our bodies, before he asked students to do anapanassati. And he gave a very comprehensive and systematic instruction on how to do anapanasati.
Everyday, he gave only limited instructions, as if he is following each of our progress, making it easy to follow, easy to understand, because we have practiced, improved and experienced it. Each day, we go deeper and deeper as our mindfulness and stillness get stronger. There is no surprise that many of us succeed in getting into samadhi. 

Ashin Kheminda also made himself available for every difficulties that we faced, there's no question that is too trivial to answer. He ensures to clear our doubts and troubles in meditation.

Also, in Chan Forest, the weather and the environment really suitable for meditation. Its nature and serenity does make us relax, which is very important in anapanasati meditation.

And I would like to express my gratitude to all the volunteer that have assisted us in our retreat, without your saddha (faith) and metta (love) we wouldn't be able to practice in ease.

Last but not least, I bow to our teacher Ashin Kheminda, for having the metta to teach us the precious teaching of Buddha as pure as stated in Tripitaka and its commentaries. Thank you.

---------------------------------------------------------

我这次短期出家的经验跟上次稍有不同。Ashin Kheminda從非常基礎的階段開始教起，他要求我们，先從扫描我们身体的4个元素開始，才做安那般那念。他的教導非常全面而有系统。每天，他只會给我們一點進階的指令，就好像他是根據我们的每一个进步來指導，讓禪修變得更容易進行與理解，因为我们已经有了实修经驗。 

每一天，我们的層次都變得更深，也进入了更强的正念 和寂静之中。难怪，我们很多人已成功达到了三摩地. Ashin Kheminda 总能提供知無不言的谘询。舉凡是我们面临的每一个困难，每一个琐细的问题他都可以回答，以确保我們可以解除禅修的疑虑和烦恼。

此外，在禅森林，它的天气和环境也很适合我们坐禅,那裡的特质与宁静确实让我们放松身心，这也是安那般那念重要的因素之一.  

这儿, 我也想对所有义工朋友们表达我的諸多感谢與感恩。没有你们的saddha（信仰）和metta（慈爱），我们就无法這麼自在地禪修。 

最后,也是最重要的是，我要合十禮敬我们的老师 Ashin Kheminda，感恩您慈悲教導我们佛所宣說的宝贵大藏經教法。谢谢。感恩。