I wanted to write this yesterday… the words keep playing in my mind.
Anyway, yesterday I made a clear statement about my decision. I was quite sure about it. It was an easy and clean-cut decision. Was so glad about it, feel relieved. I would say, this is my first GOOD un-influenced decision. Yeah, in the past, I let someone else do make decision for me; they are not always correct. Well, now I still ensure that I am making right decision by asking my baby too, but most importantly, I have to be comfortable with the decision. This time, I am. Wrong or not, it is in my hands, my responsibility. And I feel so great about it.
Yesterday, after the announcement, my mind started to unwind, playing the memories of my decisions. I used to regrets my wrong decisions, now that I think back. I don’t think they are. None of my decisions (influenced or not) are all-wrong. Although I have to go through some hard time, they actually shaping me up, making who I am now.
From all those “wrong decision”, there is one that still sticking in my mind … in a bad manner of course, yet creating much of who I am now.
At that time, I was so vulnerable; I was actually very-very close to become a blindly devoted follower. Too bad, he pushed me way too hard that I bounced back, bounced high. Not only losing me as follower, now I am standing on my both feet stronger than before, and walking against the current, his current.
I have to admit that I still have a great hatred on him, wishing that we never ever crossed path or wishing him bad stuff. But the wiser me is telling me that without his presence, without my mistake, without going through all the shit; I wouldn’t be able to realized how blessed I am. For this, I thank him for giving me a life lesson. All the experience made me realize and ensure me about my own feeling. And right now, I am fighting hard to make things right for me.
I thank my baby for getting me up on my feet; I couldn’t have done this far without you. You are the best decision I ever made. Love you my baby. Porkchop.
Anyway, yesterday I made a clear statement about my decision. I was quite sure about it. It was an easy and clean-cut decision. Was so glad about it, feel relieved. I would say, this is my first GOOD un-influenced decision. Yeah, in the past, I let someone else do make decision for me; they are not always correct. Well, now I still ensure that I am making right decision by asking my baby too, but most importantly, I have to be comfortable with the decision. This time, I am. Wrong or not, it is in my hands, my responsibility. And I feel so great about it.
Yesterday, after the announcement, my mind started to unwind, playing the memories of my decisions. I used to regrets my wrong decisions, now that I think back. I don’t think they are. None of my decisions (influenced or not) are all-wrong. Although I have to go through some hard time, they actually shaping me up, making who I am now.
From all those “wrong decision”, there is one that still sticking in my mind … in a bad manner of course, yet creating much of who I am now.
At that time, I was so vulnerable; I was actually very-very close to become a blindly devoted follower. Too bad, he pushed me way too hard that I bounced back, bounced high. Not only losing me as follower, now I am standing on my both feet stronger than before, and walking against the current, his current.
I have to admit that I still have a great hatred on him, wishing that we never ever crossed path or wishing him bad stuff. But the wiser me is telling me that without his presence, without my mistake, without going through all the shit; I wouldn’t be able to realized how blessed I am. For this, I thank him for giving me a life lesson. All the experience made me realize and ensure me about my own feeling. And right now, I am fighting hard to make things right for me.
I thank my baby for getting me up on my feet; I couldn’t have done this far without you. You are the best decision I ever made. Love you my baby. Porkchop.
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