unable to close my eyes

it's 01:36am now. couldn't sleep.

either i am still having a jetlag or i really think too much about our last conversation.
sure it was a heavy topic, yet unavoidable, need to face it sooner or later.
i have been thinking about it for quite sometime, do our sacrifices will worth it in the future?
would i ever regret the decision? would you?
we both need to let go very big pieces of our lives.
feel very confused and uneasy about this ...
the usual me, always seeking for security, but in this case, i couldn't find any safety net at all.

but then, no matter what we think or plan ...
things might change, maybe for better or for worse, none of us will know

really, about your big news you told me this morning ... i really have no feeling what-so-ever
something that surprise me too. i was so eager to get it before, even begged for it for at least a year now.
now, feeling nothing.
i know that you have given me a clue to take a short-cut to get it, i understand, i could try. but should i? what do i really want?
not sure if i really lose feeling about it, or i have lost my ambition ... or i really need to fulfill my politically-correct duties.

no matter what it is, it has taken the peace out of my much-needed-sleep...