The high school boys were practicing their act for the day. I was watching parts of their rehearsal. I could see that they were trying to get my attention. Somehow, I could sense it. I am much older than them now. I know I am looking attractive and confident.
I was fascinated by the idea of being idolized by high school boys. But when they started to approach me, I retreated. I was scared.
I know they couldn't and wouldn’t do anything bad to me. And I know they wouldn’t really woo me. I guess they are just curious. But still I was scared. I notice my feeling – scared. I suddenly just wanna run away and hide. And I wonder why?
I looked at them and realized the idea of “cute boys” were missing from my past, my high school past. There were no cute boys woo-ing me before. In fact, those “past boys” were bullying or calling me names for being different, fat, and nerdy. Although I know that it’s all in the past. Why can’t I make myself walking away from it? Why are those memories still lingering in my mind? Why am I still scared? Why am I still afraid to be mocked by them?
