bye 2009

i am happy 2009 is painted with my own hands
though many people think it is not pretty
i am most satisfied of this year
i wrote my own story, totally my own
bye 2009

That is Where

Sour

Sorrow
Pain

Take it away from me

Powerful Guy Repellant - tested & proven

Super Thick Mask
a Metamorphosis for Insa's wedding
Drag Queen of the Night
(^(oo)^)"

The Missing Piece meets the Big O

A dear friend sent me this link, a cute animation on how to go forward.

Very sweet and touching

Those who sow the seeds of blessings shall harvest plentiful blessings

not everything

not everything that you didn't see never happened
not everything that you didn't hear is a lie
not everything that you can't touch doesn't exist

Just Because

just because i don't announce my good deeds
doesn't mean i never done good things

just because i don't calculate my donation
doesn't mean i never donate

just because i don't count how many times i chant
doesn't mean i never chant

just because i don't hang around at holy places
doesn't mean i never visit

just because i don't get close to holymen
doesn't mean i never respect them

just because i don't cry when i hear touching stories
doesn't mean i am heartless

just because i don't believe everything people said
doesn't mean i oppose them

just because i failed to help others
doesn't mean i never try

whether you like it or not
i am doing what i want to do
i am doing what i think is correct
at the end, i am the one who is responsible of my own actions

i cannot see the importance why i need to spill all my good actions here & now
i don't need to please you & myself on misleading imaginary of glimmering rewards

Home Sweet Home

Currently I am back home :)
Home sweet home

Giving is an act of virtue

I wish it is as simple as that. I started with a spontaneous good intention. In the process of fulfilling my “donation” I met many difficulties, I end up being disappointed and angry of myself and of my recipients.
In “giving”, I wish to have done good deeds to others in order to lift off some of the recipient’s burden.
Not all people who are in need of help want to be helped. Most people are afraid of changes, even the change is for good. Somehow, if we stay long enough in bad situation, eventually it will become a comfort zone; which is sometimes hard to let go.
In this case, I assume my recipient to be in difficult situation as was claimed. Yet most of my advices were repelled; while some advices were not accepted but at least given a chance to be proven. Of course, at the end I realized it is not possible to ask them to do it themselves, but I have to do it myself. What I mean, I really have to enforce my idea even without their consent. This is so unhealthy; I refused to do it again.
Another problem, I am trying very hard to be helpful. Now that I lose my motivation (due to reasons mentioned above), I am doing it in the name of duty. See, now I no longer offer help, I prefer to help only when they asked. Yet, another disappointment occurred, it calls parasitism. After so many abuses, I come to a conclusion: I am merely a working and milking cow here. They put no effort at all, and throwing it to me. I feel like they are taking every chance to take advantage of me.
Disappointment is the word. I wish I could fulfill my good intention, my good deeds. I failed. The whole process going downwards, I no longer have intention to help, I am disappointed of them, and I even grow to hate them.
Yes, I have failed; I wish I can be more patient, on others and on myself.

GF&BF

I named them BF for male one and GF for female one. They are really a good couple. When I feed one of them (say BF), he'll look at GF to make sure she got another piece too; once he's sure, then he starts to eat. Or when I feed them for lunch and only one of them is around, he/she won't start without its couple. Or when they eat together, they never fight. I am not exaggerating, but they really know how to share. So touching...
Apart from sharing, they're also a good team in chasing up cats who wanna steal their meal. Hahaha... very cute.

3-in-1

I should have written this when I was still in hospital bed, I didn’t really sleep whole day, but I kinda constrained myself from using this little laptop simply to avoid accusations from people who really couldn’t understand why I still look happy and strong while I was hit by 3 illnesses in one time. Yeah, guests kept coming and kept doubting me.

Won’t complain much about what people think of me. So, those 3 illnesses are dengue fever, typhoid and chikungunya.

5 days before I checked myself to doctor, I had a continuously up&down fever. Not sure how high it was, cos there’s no thermometer around me. Apart from fever, I had diarrhea, whole body aching, joints pain, and painful eye socket.
Anyway, I thought it was common flu until I went for blood test, which indicate that my leukocyte and thrombocyte level were dropping – this to show positive dengue fever and chikungunya, and also Widal test showing I was infected by Salmonella family – confirmed I had typhoid fever. All these diseases have similar symptoms, unless blood test was done, it is quite hard to pinpoint; but I guess I won all the prizes.
What are the causes? Dengue fever and chikungunya are transmitted by Aedes mosquitoes. While typhoid is transmitted by the ingestion of food or water contaminated with feces from an infected person. Damn, it sounds so yucky, but it is so common in Indonesia.
The treatments at hospital were antibiotic injections, vitamins injections, non-stop IV injection and gallons of water. Really effective, I was fully recovered within 4 days of treatment. Now I am fully free from dengue fever and chikunguya, but still need to have 1-month-diet of soft baby food to comfort my intestine from typhoid’s impact.

is it goodbye?

lately,
it seems like you let go my hands
it seems like you turn your head away from me

today...
it seems like lights are dimming
all lines seems to point to one direction
i questioned myself, "is this a road to good-bye?"

i wish u well, dear ...

softer hands??

softer-looking hands in 2 days of IV treatment :)
look at the difference of these 2 hands... hahahaha

one of my hospital menu, yummy

keep smiling :)

New Hair Style

After a bunch of banana, I finally succeed to "wipe" Boy's hair to a side. Enjoy the pic.

Horsie Boy's Eye - Healed

These are the pics of Boy's eye. It got well day by day. I think, 2 days ago's big rain really help to wash away all dirts on his eyes. Yesterday, the swelling has reduced, and no sticky dirts anymore.
Today, it already looks like normal. Look at his huge eyes!!! Bright and shiny. And he also munch alot today. So, confirmed, he's well now :)

Horsie Boy's Eye

This afternoon when I was about to feed Boy, I realised something was wrong with him. He kept shaking his head, I thought he was just playing, then I saw his right eye. It was badly swollen, teary marks and some creamy liquid . Not sure what the cause is, but maybe he has been quite naughty and keep rubbing his eyes to any object that he could find. Tried to wash his eyes with fresh water, but he refused. Anyway, he still has his appetite, so hopefully it is not that serious.

Do You ever Really Listen?

Have you ever had a problem, and you asked around for a solution?
Say, Someone “less-respected” gave an answer to your problem, but you doubt or won’t take it.
Sce: Your car tire was flat, your driver easily solve it for you. But you don’t trust him as he might exchange your tire with cheaper one or he might cheat your money.
Or, Someone “highly-respected” gave an answer to your problem, but the answer is too common-sense. Still you doubt it.
Sce: A doctor told you that you simple had common flu, but you insisted on a bigger-drama illness like H1N1. You doubt him, and get 2nd opinion just to prove you are right???

Why do we ignore “correct” or “common-sense” answer? Is it because it is too easy to solve? Do we reject it as we deny our inability to solve the simple problem?
Then why most people readily believe impossible advice or take magic cure? Why take the complicated way?
Sce: You asked car agent about the flat tire. Then you got an advice that you need to change the entire car. And you go crazy about getting new car.
Sce: Your doctor said you had common flu, lots of water, take meds & a good rest will do. Still you go to “magic doctor” for 2nd opinion. He said someone sending evil vibes to you, then suggests you to take flower-bath, burn a few incenses, and donate to magic God. Suddenly you freaked out & do it religiously.

Why is it so hard to listen to normal/common-sense/un-sensational advices? Why do we listen to stupid advices? Are they really persuasive people? Do they really able to lure you? Maybe those unreasonable advices were able to get you extra attention from your peers? Or are we simply too stupid to differentiate good and bad advice?

Horsie Boy

I guess it is time to put my friend's pic on this blog. This is a male horse at factory, nobody knows his name, but i usually call him "Boy"
Well, he no longer a boy, he's pretty old, i guess, judging from his lack of teeth. Sometimes i feed him with carrot, banana & papaya, but his main diet remains green grasses. Until today, I have succeed to touch his nose for a few times, but still failed to tap his neck.
Here are some picture of him

Good Bye, Grandpa

2 Oct
Heard news that grandpa had an accident, might injured his hips. He was in coma.
6 Oct
Asking SJ, a dear friend to help me call up grandma. Asking how’s grandpa’s condition.
7 Oct
My friend msg me, Grandpa was not in a very good condition, he hasn't wake up since the accident. They did a surgery for his hips, but then he got lung infection, which is more lethal than his actual injuries. Doctor predicted, grandpa only had a few days left.
9 Oct
On the night, I had a dream. I heard grandpa was back, he has been released from hospital. He was in a bigger house, with many people. I came to visit him. He gave me very big smiles like he always does; he opened up his arms and gave me a long hug. So many people there, they held a party for his come-back. There were some dancing and singing too. He was just sitting there, looked happy, but a bit tired.
10 Oct
Told a few friends about the dream. Some said, maybe it is a bad omen. I don’t dare to say anything. Hoping they were all wrong.
12 Oct
SJ msg me, asking if I have called grandpa/grandma. I said no, I haven’t. Even if I were to speak Indonesian, I wouldn’t know what to say to grandma, let alone in Chinese. So SJ said, she’d help me to call them. Guess what. Grandpa passed away on 9th; the night I dreamt about him.

Thank you for all your kindness during my stay in Beijing. Thanks for visiting me in the dream. Sorry, I couldn’t be there for your funeral. I know you’ll be in better place, wearing a very big smile just like in the dream.
I miss you, Grandpa …

earthquake...

I am very grateful that my family are OK. The 30 Sept 2009 earthquake in Padang, West Sumatra is really devastating this area.
I really don't know wat to say here... Just thankful to any creature that help to protect my family
Really painful that I cannot be physically there to help them :(
At this time, my wishlist really shorten to one line: Please keep my family safe & healthy
Love you, Dad, Mom & Bro ...

I am not Yours

You can't expect others to feel your pains & worries ...
and
It is only OK, when I myself said I am doing fine
I am not yours, you have no rights to decide my state of mind
and
You, mere strangers, have no rights to tell me if I have enough or not

Used to be My Shop

Foolish Me

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
- Dale Carnegie -

Me, a fool who pretends to be the later

Mozzy Kissed

Been attacked by mosquitoes, here is a picture of my arms full of mozzy bites. And this is only a small example of what they have done to me. Seems like they bite on every exposed area.
I don't mind to donate abit of my blood to them, but the itch and marks are ridiculous!!!
Apparently no one else got this problem, wonder why I was the only occupant being bitten here. Bad bad mozzies!!! Hiks, so many marks on my arms and legs now.

Mole Cricket

Saw a lil' insect in front of cold-storage, the poor creature was frozen ... thought it was dead. Then i moved it outside, under the sun. After a while, I saw it was surrounded by red ants, i picked it up and cleaned it from ants. Then, amazingly, it moved its antenna. It's alive again ... Hahaha. And this the pictureBtw, the name is mole-cricket
When i was young, this funny-looking insect flied into my house. I picked it up, and my dad said "When Dad was young, there were plenty of this insects, nowadays, I rarely see it around". My Dad explained why it has the huge fore-legs. It's for digging, that's why it is name mole-cricket. Was so mesmerized by it. Cute, huh?!

ps: according to wiki, it is not an endangered animal, in fact it is a pest in some countries.

Why "World Peace" is Mission Impossible ... here

- Happy to see others being unhappy
Unhappy to see others being happy

- Your luck is my luck, therefore I deserve it too
My luck is not your luck, so don't come to claim it

- Since I deserve a share of your luck, therefore it is your duty to deliver it to me
If you don't, you are a low heartless creature
And I will sue you for my "rightful" share of your luck

- Whatever is mine are the best in the whole-wide world
Whatever is yours are second grade

- It is correct when I do it this way, but it is wrong no matter how you do it

PS: That's why outsider rarely survive here, and
That's why outsider hates them :)

Rich Son Poor Son

- thank you, my dear -

The Promised Land

Since I was young, I was being taught that I was born in less-fortunate land. I have always been told that it is a place where I don’t belong at, the place of poor, the place of the less-civilized, etc. That I was born in a lower class area.
And since young, I was told about a place where things are better, better people, better food, better environment, better language, better knowledge; it is also a place where you need to dress nicely to match the civilized people. I also been told, it would be good if I can be a part of the people; which means that I would be better if I marry one of them, an instant ticket to be the citizen of The Promised Land.

I used to visit the land for short trips, there I was always feeling awkward, I don’t feel I belong there. I have different look from the rest of them, I wear differently from them, I even talk differently from them. I feel that they are the most arrogant person in the world. It seems that the world evolved around them. And the most important thing is I don’t want to be like them.

Then, through a series of unfortunate events, I was landed in this Promised Land. During my stay, I see more, learn more and try to understand more of it. Then I wonder why it is so worshipped?
The citizen of the land are snobbish, selfish, and think too high of themselves. Their sense of self-importance is unrivaled; they think they are better and smarter than other, although they are somehow uniform in look, taste, and knowledge. (And in the case of knowledge, they are slightly smarter than a parrot, only louder)

In the past, I thought that the citizens are powdered in gold and silver, now I see clearly that those are imitations. The entire glamorous looks are faux. The land is so dirty, full of dirt. Streets of the land are packed, packed with shiny cars, old carts, and some old junks.
How can an alluring land have dirt on its face, how can the inhabitants live with the foul smell. How can (fake)Gucci, LV and Prada shoes step on puddles. Buildings on street side seem to be outdated, but they leave a hint of glorious past. Maybe in the past, it was really a sensational place.

The land is not better than my birthplace. I still think my birthplace is much more beautiful than this polluted land. I still think that the people are not better than my fellow villagers.

So, is the Promise Land just a bogus? Is it just like the Promised Land in Old Testament? A promise that long overdued, a promise that never exist in the first place, a promise that only lives in the imagination of some old deceived generation.

Blown Away

I used to trust you a lot. You were the only person who can pull me out of miseries; a single word from you would clear thousands of my doubt.
I used to pour every tiny thing that runs in my mind, letting you know every state of my feeling.
Using the knowledge of me, you started to intimidate me. Used to think it is for my own good. But now, after so many trust-abuses, I finally realized, all these black-mailings are for one ultimate purpose; for your total victory over me.
I can’t find any topic to share with you anymore, and yet you start to dig more of me. It is hurting me a lot to be so cautious when I speak to you. I know, eventually it will be another boomerang for me. I am sorry...

Angel & Demon

In your eyes,
My world is surrounded by thousands of glittering angels
No matter how much I try to be those angels, I can never match them
No matter how I did, it’s never worthy
No matter what I try, others exceeds me

For you,
All my prayers are to be vaporized for I am a cold-blooded sinner
All those virtuous deeds I’ve done are just excuses to pave my ultimate evil missions

Your words wish me to be Gabriel, and yet your actions treat me as Lucifer
Though you said it, I know you never believe I will be angel

In your eyes,
I am the spring of hatred
I am drowned in jealousy
I am the source of universe’s misfortune
I am the ultimate devil

Tell me,
Which of your wishes should I fulfill

Beep Beep

Since last month bombing in Jakarta, the securities measure through out Indonesia, especially in Jakarta. Everywhere you go, securities check you car and bag. Well, not that I am anti-terrorist (let’s assume terrorist did all the bombing), will our “put everybody under microscope” action actually help to get them?
See, it is totally OK for airports to do all the miniscule checking, not because we assume that terrorists always hijack planes, but because they have the devices to do the proper checking. It is so sensitive that some people with lots of blings take about 15 minutes alone walking back and forth from body-metal-detector. Yet, those advanced gadgets still fail to detect weapons made of non-metal (in movies, ivory gun will pass the metal detector).
Right, back to Indonesia. If you are living in Jakarta, you would find that you are being check every time you walk-in to malls. The securities guard will do a wipe movement to you bag using a device tat will go “beep”. It is a metal detector. The question is, how would this device help to get the bomb, if it is really placed in bags? The device will beep anyway, esp. ladies bags with many metal studs.
Or the search on your car every time you go to malls, hotels, or other public places. They’ll check the 2nd row (passenger area) and the trunk. Of course they have the magic device, the metal detector. They’ll do the wipe thing again, and since the car is made of 70% metal it will always beep anyway (if it is not beeping, check, the battery is off).
So what are they getting from the beep? Is it necessary? Is it merely to give a psychological safe feeling by “at least we are doing something”???
See, from the last bombing at Ritz Carlton & JW Marriot, can’t we learn something? Terrorists are not stupid, they’ve done their homework, they know the buildings, the rooms, the routines, and they also know how to sneak the bomb in. Remember, both hotels have quite advanced devices and usually made physical checking on your bags too (not only using metal detector, they also asked you to open your bag & toss the things inside). Still they missed it.
Isn’t it telling you something? Get them before they want to plant the bomb, get them when they about to plan it. It’ll save much more time & more lives.

Apabila Hari Ini Hari Terakhirku

My dear friend BW sent me this beautiful article. Very touching.
Thx for reminding me again :) as always

Saya teringat kisah saat saya berbincang-bincang dengan salah seorang pengusaha kaya raya di negeri ini. Ketika perbincangan sudah sampai ke tahap "dari hati ke hati," saya beranikan diri untuk bertanya hal yang lebih pribadi. "Pak , mohon maaf, kalau saya boleh tahu adakah hal yang masih ingin Bapak wujudkan dalam hidup ini?"Sambil tersenyum ia berkata, "Beberapa tahun ke depan saya akan mulai menyerahkan sebagian kepemimpinan perusahaan kepada anak-anak saya dan para professional. Setelah itu, saya akan pensiun, menikmati hidup, dan lebih aktif dalam kegiatan sosial. Selain itu saya kepengen bisa traveling ke kota-kota kecil. Kan orang di kota kecil lebih ramah, lebih baik, dan jauh dari stress."

Ketika perbincangan semakin dalam, saya beranikan juga diri saya untuk bertanya tentang apakah ada penyesalan dalam hidupnya. Sejenak ia terdiam lalu dengan mata berkaca-kaca ia berujar, "Ada satu hal yang sangat saya sesali sampai hari ini, yaitu saya belum sempat membawa ibu saya jalan-jalan ke negeri China. Itu adalah impian ibu saya dan sebagai anak yang telah mapan secara ekonomi saya pengen sekali bisa membahagiakan ibu dengan mewujudkan impiannya itu. Tahun demi tahun berlalu dan sesungguhnya saya punya dana serta kesempatan untuk melakukan itu. Hanya saja, waktu itu saya menyepelekan rencana ini. Saya pikir, nanti saja kalau kerjaan saya sudah beres. Ternyata saya terlalu asyik bekerja sehingga ibu saya keburu dipanggil pulang Yang Mahakuasa."

Dari kisah sederhana ini, kita juga boleh belajar satu hal penting. Memang benar, tips untuk menjadi lebih berbahagia adalah dengan menganggap hari ini adalah hari terakhir hidup kita di dunia. Namun, disisi lain, saya kira juga benar bahwa dengan menganggap hari ini sebagai hari terakhir, kita punya kesempatan untuk menunjukkan kasih kita kepada orang-orang yang dekat dihati kita.

Saya ingat seorang wanita karir yang kabarnya hingga hari ini masih mengalami stress berat lantaran selalu menolak permintaan anaknya untuk dimandikan. Ceritanya, selama beberapa waktu, setiap pagi sebelum sang ibu berangkat ke kantor, anaknya yang masih kecil itu meminta sang ibu untuk memandikannya. Setiap kali permintaan itu dilontarkan, selalu terdengar jawaban yang sama, "Mama kan sibuk, Mama harus kerja keras untuk cari uang agar kamu bisa dapat makanan, rumah, mainan, sekolah, dan segalanya yang terbaik. Mama kan sudah sewa dua pembantu khusus untuk mengurus kamu... Jadi ngapain Mama harus mandiin kamu?" Meskipun "lagu" yang didendangkan sang ibu selalu sama, sang anak tetap tidak berubah pendirian. Ia tetap minta dimandikan. Ini terjadi selama berhari-hari dan sang ibu tetap tidak juga mau memandikannya.

Suatu hari anak ini terkena demam berdarah dan beberapa waktu kemudian meninggal. Kali ini, dengan berlinang air mata, sang ibu memandikan -bukan lagi anaknya- melainkan jenazah anaknya. Oh, betapa menyedihkan!

Benar kata orang bijak bahwa hal-hal kecillah yang kerap membuat penyesalan terbesar di hati kita. Tidak ada yang pernah tahu kapan kita akan dipanggil. Tidak ada juga yang tahu kapan orang-orang yang kita kasihi akan dipanggil.

Seorang sahabat yang juga pengusaha pernah berkomentar, "Setiap hari kita diberi kesempatan untuk mengasihi dan juga dikasihi. Itu satu paket! Pada saat kita mengasihi, kita pun dikasihi.

Terkadang karena rutinitas dan kesibukan sendiri, kita jadi lupa sehingga menganggap semuanya biasa-biasa saja." Memang, kadang kita baru betul-betul merasa kehilangan ketika semuanya itu telah pergi untuk selamanya.

Seorang bijak pernah berkata, "Salah satu cara terbaik menunjukkan kasih kita kepada mereka yang telah tiada adalah dengan mengasihi orang-orang yang masih hidup, khususnya orang-orang yang dekat dihati kita." Sebuah nasihat yang amat berharga!

Jadi, selagi masih ada kesempatan, lakukanlah yang terbaik dan jadilah diri kita yang terbaik karena kita tidak pernah tahu kapan hari itu akan tiba. Kasihilah orang-orang yang paling dekat dihati kita seolah-olah hari ini adalah hari terakhir, entah bagi kita atau bagi mereka. Jika ada dorongan di hati untuk melakukan sesuatu bagi orang yang kita kasihi lakukan sekarang jangan tunda. Toh, tidak ada salahnya menganggap ini adalah hari terakhir jika kita bisa memperoleh banyak manfaat positif darinya.

Sepuluh aturan menuju hidup yang lebih berbahagia :

1. Berbagi

2. Melakukan kebaikan

3. Selalu mengucap syukur

4. Bekerja penuh semangat

5. Mengunjungi orangtua dan belajar dari pengalaman mereka

6. Memandang lekat lekat wajah seorang bayi/anak dan mengaguminya

7. Sering tertawa adalah minyak pelumas hidup

8. Berdoa untuk mengetahui jalan Tuhan

9. Membuat rencana seperti Anda akan hidup selamanya - dan itu pasti

10. Hidup seakan akan hari ini adalah hari terakhir hidup Anda dimuka bumi.

Sumber: The Power of Hope - Paulus Winarto
Sent at 10:43 AM on Thursday

Big Dix?

myth has it that man with small "manhood" will choose a big car to compensate his lacking. but it doesnt mean the owner of a small car will have a bigger utensil,

especially when it is shamelessly advertised like on the pic above.

Sympathy of Empathy

The siren was screaming its heart out, but no one seems to care.

That’s what I think when I tried to pull my car over to let the ambulance to pass.

It wasn’t an easy task, the road is so jammed.

What I want to highlight here is that it seems like nobody care about the ambulance, they just won’t let it pass.

I will not pretend that I understand the feeling of the sick patient, or the desperation of patient’s family member, cos I don’t feel anything. So am I an evil person? I admit that I don’t feel the urgency of the patient in ambulance, whom I don’t know personally. He/She simply a stranger for me. I pull over cos I think it is the right thing to do. And always think if I were in their shoes, I’d expect people to pullover.

Last week, I was trying to get a flight to attend a family emergency. The flight was delayed, and after hours of waiting it was then cancelled. At that moment, I was very desperate, feeling very hopeless. I couldn’t understand how can that staffs offering me some complimentary food while all I need is to get to my family ASAP. They are talking to me as if they are reading from a manual. Until I screamed in desperation (and in English) they started to give me attention & get me another flight.

I am very thankful that at least one of them tried very hard to get me to another plane. Very nice of him. But I can’t blame the rest of the staff either; it is not their duty to know how I feel, I am a mere customer and they simply doing their job. But why am I so upset that they are not showing a slight empathy for my despair?

Is it compulsory to have empathy to others? Cos I’d be lying if I said I know the feeling of someone who just lost their dear one, or who just lose their jobs, or in any desperate moments. Not that I never been in the situation before, I have; Not that I unaware of their anxieties, I do. I could shed a tear, I usually do, it still doesn’t match the grief and sorrow that they are having. But honestly, I can’t feel someone else’s pain, just like others can’t feel mine. But I will try to show sincere sympathy which come from the bottom of my heart. I mean it.

Eat My Tofu

Went to supermarket today. The plan was to get some fruits, but then I saw they are preparing fresh soya milk, yummy. Then I was thinking about making my own tofu. Never done it before, but I saw some chef doing it on tv.

So, the ingredients for my "first" tofu recipe are: soya milk, eggs, and a bit of salt. Then i lightly beat the eggs, then slowly mixing soya milk into it, then add abit of salt. Next, for steaming, I wrapped it in cling-wrap, just to avoid steam water to drip on the tofu. Then steamed for about 10-15 mins. The result was ... it became a tofu, the texture is silky, good, but the shape was abit off. I was steaming it in a bowl, I had some difficulties to flip it out.

How does it taste like? I bet my Porkchop is laughing out loud "It's so so you". Like usual, it's my mistake, very careless, I didn't check the soya milk, it was lightly-sweetened soya milk, I should have bought a plain one. So the taste is abit weird. Hahaha, but I promised to make a proper one next time.

- Silence -

"You are awfully silent now. What happened to you?"
"I am not quiet"
"Yes, you are. You used to be chatty. You seem very careful now. You have learned this silence in a hard way, haven't you?"
"What? I am not silent"
"Your silence is your self-defence. What happened to you?"

Since I had no intention to stretch the conversation further, I simply gave a short denial and quickly changed the topic.
But inside my mind, I keep wondering. Is it true?
This conversation really made me go silent. I was surprised, no, more like shocked.
What made you said so, dear friend? Why? Coming from someone who I haven’t see and talk for years, this is the least I expect to hear.

I remembered that my friends used to call me "bubbly girl" since I was always very talkative and happy.
Maybe, it is true; I have changed. The comment really gave me a big slap on my face. A confirmation. Maybe I have become more quiet and seems sad (or maybe I should say "tense and cautious") or maybe I simply have grown up?
So, what is the answer to your question? It doesn't really matter. What’s the point anyway?

Btw, dear friend, we might not always agree on many things. Until today, we still don’t. But, I really appreciate this honest comment. Despite our occasional contact, seems like you maybe one of the few people who know me very well.
Thank you.

LOL

pic 01: taken from a female toilet at a "overseas-oriented" company in Jkt
Since it's closed, how to do my deeds? where?

pic 02: taken from the back of international airline's plane seat

What seat bottom? which bottom? Helppppp...!!!

When I am Old

When I am old, no longer what I used to be
Understand me, be patient to me

When I spilled food on my shirt
When I couldn’t wear my own shoes
Remember the time when I patiently teach you to do things

When I absent-mindedly repeating the same sentence that bore you
Listen to me patiently, don’t cut off my sentence
In your early days, I need to repeat the same story again and again until you fallen asleep

When I need you to bathe me
Please don’t blame me
Remember your early days, how I constantly find ways to lure you for your baths

When I am confused by the new and modern things
Don’t laugh at me
Remember the time when I patiently answer all your “why” questions

When two of my legs no longer able to walk
Lend me your young and strong hands to hold and support me
Just like the time I hold your hands for your first steps

When I quickly forgot our conversation
Give me some time to recall it
Actually, the topic is not important to me, as long as you are there to listen to me. I am content

Don’t be remorse to see me age
Understand me, accept me, and support me
Like how I patiently show you about life

Oil in Water

Oil in water
Trying so hard to mix in
The harder I try, the smaller and weaker I become

Oil in water
Shattered to little droplets
Repelled and washed out

I am tired
Don't belong here

2009 Presidental Election

Today is Indonesian Presidental Election. I've done my duty :) leaving a purple-ish mark on my left pinkie.

This time, I am not going back. Done it here.

It's not as complicated as stated on news. All you need is form A7 from your original election site.No problem at all, all smooth.

May the wise and capable candidate wins. Viva Indonesia!!!

Sexy Farm Animal?

Show Me The Way

A long overdued tribute for my capable GPS, it has been showing me the way to my destinations for quite sometime now. It is a truly amazing, sophisticated and handy piece of device. It gets me home too, always. Love you. Very thoughtful of you. Thank you, Baby.

Can I get it?

Either that I’ve been too long in this idleness or I finally come into the hard fact about my past desires, which never vanished or I just envious to see you busily dancing in my previous fantasy; but I started to have a deep sore feeling every time I look into your familiar routine. I thought I’ve forgotten how it feels, but dear, it is still there. Though I know that the chance to step into the same vehicle no longer exist, things have changed; but I still miss it, really miss it. Gotta find a way to wipe this sorrow off. And I guess, the only way to override this feeling is by having something greater than it ever was.

Now, I am down to the question, “Where can I get it?”

Lost & Found

Due to my unorganized habit and my clumsiness, I lost my wallet yesterday. It contains almost everything that I have in wealth form, personal ID, driving license, and some other personal stuff.In an hour after the incident, listening to my beloved’s advice, I blocked my credit card, easily done. Yet, the anxiety still clings on. How can I have another meal tomorrow? I really have no cash on hand, at all.
I had no mood to do anything, couldn’t even have a proper sleep, and kept waking up in the middle of the night. Feel very uneasy, not only because of the wallet, but also feeling remorse to disappoint my beloved. Though no words were said, but can feel the tension. I should have been more careful. I am sorry, dear, will try to be better next time.

Today, after several visits and phone calls to security and management office, finally there’s a light. The guy who picked up my wallet called up to security, but he insists to surrender the wallet directly to me, not to security. I guess he doesn’t trust them. There, he returned the wallet safe and sound, all intact, nothing is missing. Then, he doesn’t even want to take any reward. Really respect him for the honest action.

Thank you so much for returning the wallet to me. Also thanks to the security personnel, management personnel for the assistance. Thanks so much to you for being there for me as my strength, as always. Really appreciate it

A cold cup of coffee…

Looking at the half-sipped coffee. Cold and sad
Losing its bittersweet aroma. No longer inviting
Its sour taste has taken all my senses
Immersing into my chest
Drenching tears

Wondering if you are dreaming in the sky
or staring blankly into yesman world

Though this sweet smell still lingers, the shadow has gone
Again, the space no longer same without you

Value over Price

Traveling could be a hell trip without the right footwear. A pair of sport shoes is a must for me, but it wasn’t really suitable for my last trip. The weather was abit too warm. So, in Rio, I gave in to a pair of white flip-flop. Yes, the cost is "crazy" compare to our locally worshipped sandal-jepit. But, I made a right purchase. Value over price, it saved me throughout the trip. Yap, throughout the trip, I even wear it with my dress, who cares about people staring, I care about my happy feet. A true Life-Saver!!!

PS: Rubber flip-flop is much much comfy-er than the girlie-fancy flip-flop. Really!!!

The Flu

Yesterday I went to have a health check-up. Not that I worry that my South America trip has given me extra gift of swine flu, but I was quite annoyed with my constantly-runny nose and thick phlegm on my throat. Guess what, the doctor said I am OK; my flu is a result of irregular rests and exhaustion.Talking about pandemic flu, one must heard about Tamiflu before. This magic capsule of Oseltamivir has been claimed to be the cure of infamous avian-flu. But for this new type of flu, the usage of this medicine is still questionable. Nevertheless, the availability in Indonesia is fully controlled by government hospitals (two thumbs up, Indonesia!!!); while in Singapore, although it’s a non-prescription drug, it has vanished from the market, along with hand-sanitizer. But none can beat HongKong with its stock 3x of the island’s population.

I got the first peep of Tamiflu in a pharmacy, at Mall of Emirates, Dubai. A box of 10 capsules cost 180AED. I didn’t purchase it, too costly for something that gives no promise, even the pharmacist said so. Hohoho, stingy Ming. But lucky I didn’t get it, cause for sure I will swallow it without any health consultation.

And no matter what happen, please don’t blame it to the animal, birds, pigs or whatever comes next. Remember, it was us human who “create” these new viruses, and it was us too, who named it after them. So, please do not connect it to any religion or race. The virus never checks any I.D. before attacking.
This event is merely an evolution in action, survival for the fittest. Maybe it’s just another way for the old earth to get rid some of its enormous burden.

c'est la vie

In these past few days, not sure if I am over-sensitive or people started to have more interests on me; many has asked me about my present life. Most of you know it already. Then, I received a lot of negative and sarcastic comments (well, to my ears), such as: “Yeah, you are spoiled”, “Unable to work”, “Not up for a challenge”, “It’s predicted”, “Way too lucky”… bla bla bla. The main point is, all said that it has been too good to be true, and thus I don’t deserve it.

Let me tell you what, I won’t deny that I am luckier than most people. But I cannot accept the comments that “I am good for nothing”. In the past years, I have worked very hard, and I am happy with what I have achieved. Though, many said that I was given more privileges or I took short cuts. Well, listen, I didn’t! I just do it in smarter way, but I never cheat. I don’t care if most of you take ages to get it. For what I achieved, it was the result of my sweat and hard work!!! I am proud of it. None of it was served on silver platter.

As for now, even if I choose to take another dimension, it is my right. I might sound cocky. But too bad, I have the choice, you don’t. Why would I let you judge my choice?

unable to close my eyes

it's 01:36am now. couldn't sleep.

either i am still having a jetlag or i really think too much about our last conversation.
sure it was a heavy topic, yet unavoidable, need to face it sooner or later.
i have been thinking about it for quite sometime, do our sacrifices will worth it in the future?
would i ever regret the decision? would you?
we both need to let go very big pieces of our lives.
feel very confused and uneasy about this ...
the usual me, always seeking for security, but in this case, i couldn't find any safety net at all.

but then, no matter what we think or plan ...
things might change, maybe for better or for worse, none of us will know

really, about your big news you told me this morning ... i really have no feeling what-so-ever
something that surprise me too. i was so eager to get it before, even begged for it for at least a year now.
now, feeling nothing.
i know that you have given me a clue to take a short-cut to get it, i understand, i could try. but should i? what do i really want?
not sure if i really lose feeling about it, or i have lost my ambition ... or i really need to fulfill my politically-correct duties.

no matter what it is, it has taken the peace out of my much-needed-sleep...

My New Ride

Today, I got my lil pony. Cute cute silver pony. Took a ride with my pony... hehehe

Farty Love

Once, I told my Baby,

"I know it's love if I'm comfortable enough to exchange fart with my loved one"Then my baby answered,

"I know it is true love when you keep falling in love with the same person"

Hahaha... That's a very sweet answer, Baby. Fart fart. Porkchop.

Ayam Den Lapeh

As a proud Padangnese, no matter where I am, I will still keep the Padang spirit. Yap, even in Bali. Here's one of the proof. I sang "Ayam Den Lapeh", one of popular Minang songs. "Ayam Den Lapeh" literary translates to My Missing Chicken ...
I sang quite well I guess, my team won 2nd prize and got a digital camera for the prize. Not too bad for a first timer, but we surely put quite an effort for it. I had a fun time that night.

For those who have no clue about the song. Please check out this youtube. You’ll get the idea of how cute and silly the song is… Hahahaha

Lil Brownie

Here is the picture of me & Brownie, a 5 years old Borneo OrangUtan.
He is a absolute cute boy, abit clingy when he "hug" me ... a total sweetheart.

Sometimes you need to lose yourself to find yourself ...

Sometimes you need to lose yourself to find yourself ...

Decision Decision Decision

I wanted to write this yesterday… the words keep playing in my mind.

Anyway, yesterday I made a clear statement about my decision. I was quite sure about it. It was an easy and clean-cut decision. Was so glad about it, feel relieved. I would say, this is my first GOOD un-influenced decision. Yeah, in the past, I let someone else do make decision for me; they are not always correct. Well, now I still ensure that I am making right decision by asking my baby too, but most importantly, I have to be comfortable with the decision. This time, I am. Wrong or not, it is in my hands, my responsibility. And I feel so great about it.

Yesterday, after the announcement, my mind started to unwind, playing the memories of my decisions. I used to regrets my wrong decisions, now that I think back. I don’t think they are. None of my decisions (influenced or not) are all-wrong. Although I have to go through some hard time, they actually shaping me up, making who I am now.

From all those “wrong decision”, there is one that still sticking in my mind … in a bad manner of course, yet creating much of who I am now.
At that time, I was so vulnerable; I was actually very-very close to become a blindly devoted follower. Too bad, he pushed me way too hard that I bounced back, bounced high. Not only losing me as follower, now I am standing on my both feet stronger than before, and walking against the current, his current.
I have to admit that I still have a great hatred on him, wishing that we never ever crossed path or wishing him bad stuff. But the wiser me is telling me that without his presence, without my mistake, without going through all the shit; I wouldn’t be able to realized how blessed I am. For this, I thank him for giving me a life lesson. All the experience made me realize and ensure me about my own feeling. And right now, I am fighting hard to make things right for me.I thank my baby for getting me up on my feet; I couldn’t have done this far without you. You are the best decision I ever made. Love you my baby. Porkchop.

Lucky I have my Baby

Baby... baby... my baby
This song is for you
Love you, Porkchop

(Jason)
Do you hear me,
I’m talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying

(Colbie)
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

(Both)
I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

(Both)
They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I’ll wait for you I promise you, I will

(Both)
I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

(Jason)
And so I’m sailing through the sea
To an island where we’ll meet
You’ll hear the music fill the air
I’ll put a flower in your hair

(Colbie)
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you’re all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky - Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat

I Have Voted. Have You?

9 April 2009
This morning at 8am, I’ve marched to my nearest polling station. Not too crowded, maybe cos I came a bit too early. I was the 4th person in the row to vote.
There were 4 sets of ballots, each for different levels of governance. The ballot paper is so big, as big as a page of newspaper.
Anyway, I spent at least 5 minutes in the voting room. I already know who to vote. Hahaha.
There, I’ve fulfill my deeds as a good Indonesian citizen. So proud of it that I even fly back to cast my vote.

from top - clockwise: my lil' finger stained with ink as a mark that I have voted; proud look of me; me and the huge (dummy) ballot paper

See the arrow (top - clockwise): that's the voting room - hardly cover up anything; the waiting room; cheat-sheets on who to vote; more cheat-sheets

Campaign Period !!!

These are some pictures to show Indonesian’s enthusiasm for our 2009 election.

blots of PEN

Here are some pictures I've taken in Penang a few weeks ago. Below are some yummy food that I have tried there. I know that there's no char-kwetiao, shrimp noodle or laksa pictures here. Not that I think it's not yummy. Not that I didn't try them during my visit. But, I was way too busy digging in those food rather than taking their pictures. So, these are little peek of what Penang can serve to you.

Here are some pictures of PEN city:

PEN beach

Night view of PEN city

Coast view from my room